Having lost a loved one in the last year, I’ve come to realize what a gift estate planning can be—not just to my children, but to any surviving family. We are all going to die; none of us can escape that reality. What we can avoid is leaving behind unnecessary stress for the people we love. With some planning, we can give those we care about one final gift: the time and space to grieve after we pass.
My father had nothing in place when he died. He had few assets and believed estate planning wasn’t necessary. Unfortunately, that decision has cost my family time, money, and immense stress. We have been left navigating logistics while also trying to comfort one another and emotionally process his loss. Five months later, we are still not finished—each new step reopening wounds we are trying to heal.
If you or your loved ones don’t have an estate plan in place, here are a few things you can do to make the process smoother, along with some helpful definitions.
- Ensure all bank, insurance, and investment accounts have both primary and contingent beneficiaries.
One option to consider is per stirpes. Latin for “by roots” or “by branch,” this designation ensures that if a beneficiary dies before you, their share passes to their direct descendants (children or grandchildren), rather than being redistributed among surviving beneficiaries. - Transfer-on-Death (TOD) deeds allow property to pass directly to a designated beneficiary. These must be filed correctly and in accordance with state law, so working with an attorney is strongly recommended.
- A Living Will does not manage property or financial assets, but it does allow you to outline healthcare wishes, including life-sustaining treatment.
- A Healthcare Power of Attorney designates someone to make medical decisions on your behalf if you are unable to do so.
- A Durable Power of Attorney allows someone to make legal and financial decisions for you.
- A Last Will and Testament specifies how personal belongings and assets should be distributed.
- A Funeral Planning Declaration expresses your wishes regarding the disposition of your body and any services.
Working with an estate attorney is ideal. Regulations and best practices vary from one state to the next. People often avoid or put this off because of the expense. However, you can pay for it now, or your heirs will pay for it later.
If you’ve already done this—great. Have you considered extending that gift to your adult children? None of us wants to imagine our children passing, but if the unthinkable happens, having a plan in place can make things easier for their spouse, children, siblings, or even for you.
When my father passed, my husband and I fully realized how valuable our estate plan was for our own children. While they are years away from needing plans of their own, we are committed to giving them this gift when they are adults.
I am not an attorney. Everything above is based on personal experience. The purpose of this post is simply to spark thought and conversation about leaving one last gift to our families—the gift of space to grieve.
~ Jenny Keane, Client Services Manager